


What's a Kiss Between Friends?

by Laurasauras



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, F/M, Hollywood
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-10
Updated: 2019-01-10
Packaged: 2019-10-07 17:13:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17370083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laurasauras/pseuds/Laurasauras
Summary: Slice of life with alpha Dave and Rose. There's a lot of love here.





	What's a Kiss Between Friends?

You watch in mild horror as Dave adds a third sugar to his coffee. You take the sugar bowl away from him before he can add a fourth. 

‘Dave, you don’t take sugar,’ you remind him.

‘I do today,’ he says darkly. He sips the coffee and scrunches his face up. ‘Oh, god, that’s disgusting. I don’t think I can even drink that. Rose, how am I supposed to get the energy if I don’t drink it?’ He takes a gulping mouthful and winces even worse than the first time. ‘Nup, just gonna have to shot it, here goes.’

‘Perhaps wait for it to cool a little?’ you say. 

He nods and puts the coffee down.

‘So, you’re ten minutes late to our brunch, you’re wearing a t-shirt that looks like it is actually pyjamas and you’re trying to poison yourself on sugar. Are you going to tell me what’s wrong?’

He glares at you like he hasn’t been obvious with everything. 

‘I have the fucking premiere tonight, don’t I?’ he says. ‘I’m working 18 hour days and preparing for the fucking apocalypse while I’m at it but no, tonight instead of doing something _useful_ , I have to go and schmooze with the rest of Hollywood or the producers will have my head. _And_ Donald Glover won’t be my ironic date on the red carpet.’

‘That would be very ironic,’ you say. ‘It’s very amusing when men pretend to date. After all, they would never have sincere feelings for each other.’

He rolls his eyes at you and tries to sip from his coffee again. He chokes a little. He doesn’t appear to be too embarrassed, though. You can’t believe anyone with a preference for men wouldn’t be enchanted by Donald. You were reduced to a giggly fool when Dave introduced him to you. And you’ve met plenty of celebrities. Maybe he’s just used to seeing him on set. Maybe it’s difficult to be attracted to anyone who is willing to go along with his horrifying satirical movies. 

‘So?’ he says.

‘So …’

‘So will you go with me or not? I can’t go stag, Rose, I can take 80% of the attention, tops.’

‘Fine. But I get at least 40% of the attention. If not more.’

He smirks at you.

‘I think that depends on what you wear,’ he says.

You very slowly and deliberately look him over. 

‘I think I’ll be fine.’ 

You smile at the waitress and she comes over to take your order. You order for both of you because Dave is sulking. She gives you a meaningful look and flicks her eyes over your shoulder, letting you know that there are paparazzi around. You thank her with a light touch to her hand. You knew they would be here. Even without the Sight, they are rather easy to predict. You are looking flawless, of course, in your classic day dress and tasteful hat that obscures your face from prying lenses. Dave is not. 

‘You could stop pouting. We have an audience.’

‘Who can even tell? Shades cover the face and my redonkulous body is so distracting no one cares.’

You sigh and close your eyes, allowing yourself to look elsewhere. You have no patience for this kind of Dave. He’s far too capable to be acting like a child. You See through your other self’s eyes, as you often do, it’s easier to access than the future. She’s sitting at the top of the stairs glaring down in the direction of the living room. Mom has the vacuum cleaner going again. You feel your alternate self’s frustration, but it barely touches the amusement that you feel. Their passive aggressive war is hilarious. You’re very envious that you won’t get to continue the tradition with your own daughter.

You open your eyes. Dave is sitting up properly again. 

‘What did you See?’ he asks urgently.

‘Nothing new,’ you say. 

He frowns. He hates that he hasn’t got any real insight into the future. Just the same gut feeling of my-kid-is-coming-and-they’re-Important that all of you had. Only Jade was allowed to meet her child. You and Dave have both agreed you would give anything for the six years she had with her boy, messy ending included. Even though you have Seen that your alternate selves have complicated relationships with your children’s alternate selves. This is worse. This is agony.

‘I hate that they’re going to be alone,’ he says.

You reach out and hold his hand. 

‘They’ll have each other.’

‘Not like this,’ he says, picking your hand up slightly. ‘I’m gonna have a kid and I never get to hold him. Kid me better give him a fucking good hug when they meet.’

You smile at him as reassuringly as you can. You can’t See past the game, so you don’t know for certain and that irks you. 

‘There is not a single version of Dave Strider out there who skimps on the hugs,’ you say with authority. ‘If I could figure out how to bottle the feeling your hugs give, I could make the most powerful spells, you have no idea.’

He slides his shades down to wink at you. You can’t figure out how to store his winks, either. You tell him about the kinds of spells you would like to make from his various positive attributes until he gets embarrassed and you win. You think he leaves your brunch looking happier than when he arrived. You smile until he leaves. And then you curse him internally for giving you all of six hours to prepare for a Hollywood premiere. 

*

When Dave picks you up, he’s looking a lot better. You think he took your advice and had a nap, because his face looks fresh in a way it didn’t before. His suit, as always, is impeccable. If you weren’t wearing this dress, he might almost outdo you. You smile and take his arm as he leads you to the limo.

‘Damn, Lalonde,’ he says when you’re seated.

‘Damn, yourself. I really would like the name of your tailor.’

‘Nope. You’re too similar, I can’t have you meeting. The world would end. You know, sooner than anticipated.’

‘When the Batterwitch finally reveals herself will you introduce us? After that surely you won’t have anything to lose.’

‘Whenever you say the word “surely” I get this pain in my balls like old women get in their feet before a storm.’

You stick your tongue out at him. He appeases you by offering you a glass of whiskey from the limo bar. You feel unspeakably classy.

‘How is it that you never leave lipstick stains on your glasses?’ Dave asks. ‘Or on anything, for that matter. And with black lipstick. I swear to god, when I wore it that one time it was like my lips were determined to make everything in the room black.’

You smirk at him. 

'There’s a process,’ you say. 'Shall we have a make-up day soon? I'll let you do mine if you let me do yours. Instagram will love it.’

He shrugs. There's a special brand of Dave Strider shrug that actually means that he really wants to do what you're suggesting. You squeeze his hand affectionately.

You arrive at the venue and Dave has a moment of naked panic before his poker face slides back in place. You feel a little honoured that he lets you see him like this. He smiles at you and presses your hand to his lips.

'Game on, Lalonde,’ he says.

The driver opens the door. He slides out smoothly and raises his hand to the crowd. You wait until he is finished and turns back to you before exiting the limo with the help of his hand. Your skirts fall elegantly to your feet and you smile with satisfaction. He leads you by the hand as if you're about to waltz until your feet touch the red carpet. He spins you in a spontaneous circle and you throw back your head and laugh. He pulls you back to his side and kisses you on your hair. He throws an arm around you and you walk down the carpet together.

He leads you to the rope keeping fans back and leans over it to take a selfie with fans. You’ve never known a director to be just as famous as his actors, but Dave is. He’s beloved and recognised, hailed as a genius and maybe appreciated for his looks as well. 

‘Rose!’ someone in the crowd calls. You turn to the voice and obligingly sign a piece of paper. You’re recognised, too, though not at the same level, and almost entirely in association with Dave. You’ve been on his arm enough times. You’ve even cameoed in two of his movies. One of them you were the major villain, and yet your role was still best described as cameo. You think you had a minute and a half of screen time, and you didn’t have a single line. That’s Dave’s movies for you. You did have a kick-ass evil laugh, though. That’s why he decided to have a villain in the first place.

After a few minutes, you guide Dave away from his fans. He pretends you’re dragging him away, reaching out to them dramatically before sliding his shades down to give them a wink. You nearly run into Natalie Portman as you turn around. You gracefully turn the collision into a hug and then kiss her gently on the lips. 

She blushes slightly, holding your hands. Her dress almost matches yours. You think you must make a very handsome couple.

‘I loved your performance in Black Swan, by the way. You brought an elegance to horror, and that is commendable.’

‘Well, that’s saying something from you,’ she says. ‘Are you in this one?’

‘I wish I could answer with any certainty,’ you tease. You’re entirely serious. For all you know, Dave could have taken one of your home videos and cut it into the movie. 

You smile and give her another kiss before turning back to Dave.

‘You can’t just do that,’ he says when you catch up to him.

‘What?’ you ask.

‘Kiss whoever you like.’

‘No, my dear, _you_ can’t just do that. _I_ pull it off.’

You straighten his tie, which did not really need straightening, and continue walking. A reporter stops the pair of you. 

‘Good evening, Dave!’ she says. 

Dave tightens his hand on your waist. You take the hint.

‘Rachel,’ you say, smiling as if you were hoping to see her here. ‘It has been too long.’

‘Ah! And Rose Lalonde! Again, Dave, your fans will get jealous!’

Dave’s mouth twitches up slightly.

‘Rose has always been my number one girl,’ he says. He presses his lips to your cheek.

‘He’s only flattering me because he wants the rights to my books,’ you say. He finally stops kissing you with a wet mwah noise. Your cringe is only slightly put on. You hope he hasn’t smudged your foundation.

‘Is _Complacency of the Learned_ being made into a movie?’ Rachel asks. She gets points for remembering, even though you flatter yourself that you are a memorable interviewee. 

You hide your smile poorly behind a hand. You assume you look exceedingly charming.

‘Oh no, my agent will murder me in my sleep!’

‘He wouldn’t dare,’ Dave says. ‘The amount of time I spend on the phone to that guy. I’ve offered him my very soul and he won’t let me have your books.’

‘That’s because he cares how they come out.’

You have to endure several questions about what you’re wearing that Dave vastly improves by twirling you around and interrupting. At one point he shows off his supermarket brand underwear and you nearly fall over laughing. He abruptly ends the interview when he spots Ben Stiller and walks away. You give Rachel a wry smile before following.

You reach the men just in time to see Dave mimicking you by kissing Stiller on the mouth with convincing casualness. He raises an eyebrow to you to ask your opinion.

‘No, darling, it’s more like this,’ you tell him.

You kiss Stiller very gently before releasing him. He’s not slightly bothered by this. He’s been working with Dave far too long to find your antics disturbing, and this is one of the tamer ones.

‘Like this?’ Dave asks.

That’s all the warning you get before he’s wrapping his arms around you and dipping you back. It’s a romantic move that is at complete odds with his tongue in your mouth. Perfect execution, 10/10 Dave.

He helps you back standing and you ironically fan yourself with your hand.

‘Did he smudge my lipstick?’ you ask Stiller.

‘Somehow, no,’ he says.

‘Rose is a witch, that’s how,’ Dave says. He drapes his arm around you and leans with all his weight. He’s lucky you always wear very sturdy heels. 

‘Do you think people will like it?’ Stiller asks.

Dave looks at you. You smile enigmatically. He turns back to Stiller and shrugs.

‘Come along, love of my life,’ you say to him. ‘Let’s go rot away our brains.’

Dave straightens and pulls you away without saying goodbye to Stiller. You know he’s reached his limit for public performance when he pretends not to see Glover and just walks into the theatre. Unless he really is offended about being turned down.

There are seats reserved at the front of the cinema for you. He sinks low into his and holds his arm around yours, forcing you to slouch as well. You don’t really mind. You pretend that you have less room than you do and press your leg against his. 

‘How long does this one go for?’ you ask.

‘Got it down to six hours. The third intermission is a fakeout, don’t leave for it, there’s a lot of good shit in the last 20 minutes.’

‘And I can finally read your notes once I’ve seen the “pure” version?’

‘Yeah. They’re not in order though, so I don’t know what you’ll get out of them.’

You press your cheek against his affectionately.

‘I like reading your notes.’

He’s quiet for a moment. The cinema is empty apart from the two of you, at least for now. You should have stayed on the red carpet longer. 

‘How’s my boy doing?’ he asks eventually.

You close your eyes for him and reach out. With Dave so close, with the power you get from his embrace, it isn’t hard to See Dirk. He’s smiling as he types onto a screen filled with orange and pink text. The robot Dave has been trying to get operational lies with its mechanical innards exposed on the bed behind Dirk and you know that Sawtooth is destined for greater things than you or Dave could accomplish. 

‘He’s happy,’ you tell him. ‘There’s so much love there, it’s frankly unbelievable. I hear teenagers are resilient creatures.’

He holds you close as people start to fill up the cinema. You keep your eyes closed, even though you shouldn’t risk it in such a public place. Every now and then you read an excerpt from your children’s conversation aloud and he laughs under his breath.

You open your eyes before the movie starts and Owen Wilson smiles his lovely smile at you from his seat by your side. You hold his hand and see Dave grab Glover’s on his other side. You think your whole row is a chain of people, all touching one another in solidarity, perhaps the only people in this time who recognise the importance of the ridiculous art you’re about to endure. You smile to yourself. Rebellion is in your blood. And you wear it _so_ well.


End file.
